Take a bow....

Received an SMS this afternoon from an ex-JC dance mate who's curently teaching at Alphaville.

Hi! Can I have your home address? Recommending you for Alphaville Contribution Award.. To be collected on College Day 20 May (Sat)

HUH??? What's that all about??

Oh.. I realised that it is due to the fact that I've been dancing for my alma mater for so many years... On second look at the message, I noticed a KEY WORD.. "Recommending" Hey! This means that I may not be awarded... haha need not go for their Speech Day or College Day to collect a plaque or a piece of paper... keke.. one Speech Day a year is enough for me!

Then I did the stupidest and the most depressing thing.. that is to count the number of years I've been dancing for the school ........... 10 YEARS!!!!!! (Crap.. that's long... Double Crap!! Kinda revealing my age!!!)

Hmmm.. decided to track my "Dance Career" (Hey! It's like more than the number of years of education some of my padewans are receiving!)

• 1996 -- JC 1 Dance Member
• 1997 -- SYF Dance (Gold) Performed in Dance Presentation Opening Night at Kallang / Represented S'pore to perform in Korea for the 3rd ASIAN Youth Festival
• 1998 -- Silent Vocal II (School Hall... Hey! That's our debut.. low budget then)
• 1999 -- Training & rehearsal for the next concert
• 2000 -- Silent Vocal III (NYP auditorium) (Haiz.. backed out fr this.. helped out in make up n lighting instead)
• 2001 -- Training & rehearsal for the next concert / Danced for the Alumni's 1st AGM + dinner + concert
• 2002 -- Silent Vocal IV (Alphaville auditorium - Brand new and free!! Why not?)
• 2003 -- Training & rehearsal for the next concert
• 2004 -- Colours of Emotion (Self-choreographed - Victoria Theatre) / Juvenescence (Alphaville's 20th Anniversary Concert - Kallang Theatre)
• 2005 -- Qi (七，棋，启，气) (Victoria Theatre)
• 2006 -- Take a bow and retire???

Wow.. how time flies... really loved dancing with this group, even though some dancers may have come and gone. After 10 years, only 3 dancers from the pioneer batch remain (though the rest still support in other ways). Hey come to think of it we DO deserve the award man!!!

The last time any dance member from my batch received that award was in 2002. If I'm not wrong, 3 girls were awarded the Contribution Award for performing in three consecutive Dance Alumni concerts (1998, 2000, 2002). Haiz, I didn't receive it as I chose not to perform in 2000. Was too overwhelmed by the idea of travelling all the way from hostel in NTU (in the far west of S'pore) to Alphaville almost every alternate night.

Anyway, award or no award.. I see this Contribution Award in two ways:

1) Finally after 10 years of dancing, they recognise my efforts...
2) It's about time I take a bow and retire from dance NOOOooooooooooooooooo...........................

10 years seem really long... Yet, it all passed so quickly... Sometimes, if you do have a great love or passion for something, you can be doing it quietly in the background for so long and you won't even feel like it's a drag. No one may ever notice. But really, does it matter? Do prestige and recognition matter that much?

Perhaps in time to come... perhaps 10 years later... someone out there will realise what you've been doing all this while and recognise your efforts or come around (then again maybe not).

Personally, I feel that what's more important is how your heart feels when you set out to pursue this love and not what others perceive you to be. Ain't that right? Sometimes, people do start out feeling this way when they start out with their passion be it dance or anything else.. but as time passes, as pressure builds up, as others start criticising what you are doing.. you waiver and change your love for the passion you once had.......That's so sad.. so painful.... Will I waiver?? Should I really retire and GIVE UP dancing?

Btw, the dancer in the above pic is moi... maybe it's time to take a bow and move on.... Maybe I have to... perhaps 7 years later I would...

Promise Ain't Enough

Lovely song by Daryl Hall and John Oates....
Released in 1997 but I only heard this last year...
Simple yet meaningful.
Sadly, promises seldom last...

For a 30 second sample of the song, right click here

Promise Ain't Enough

Don't wanna open your heart
You're afraid from the start
That a new love's gonna let you down
There is something you should know
Before you give up and go
I don't believe in the run around
I just want to define myself
And show you how I feel

Chorus:
If a promise ain't enough
Then a touch says everything
Got to hold you in my arms
Till you feel what I mean
Know that my heart just tells me what to say
But words can only prove so much
If a promise ain't enough
Hold onto my love
Though my words can't describe
How I'm feeling all inside
Does my touch says anything to you
I'm not afraid to take time
Cause I'll know you'll find
That I'm real and my touch is true
It's taken a lifetime to find my heart
And I give it all you

Chorus

It took a lifetime to find what I want
I won't let it get away

Chorus

Always The Hours....

2002: Watched The Hours with Master Madcat and Master Chocoindryice. The movie left us pondering and debating what the story was about and what the messages were (albeit a confused Madcat who found it a little too literary and profound)

2006: Watched The Hours on TV last night. Four years later, the theme and the plot take on a greater meaning.

For the transcript of the movie, go to: http://www.script-o-rama.com/movie_scripts/h/the-hours-script-michael-cunningham.html

Taking place over one day, the film is essentially about three women each suffering from depression. All three are battling with issues of freedom, responsibility and identity. All three stories are interconnected with the novel "Mrs Dalloway", as one is writing it, one is reading it, and one is living it:

Virginia Woolf, a real author, (Nicole Kidman) is starting to write her book 'Mrs. Dalloway' in 1923 England. She is coming to the realization of her lesbianism (in a time when it is not socially accepted) and fighting her pure despair of life and headaches. Eventually, Virgnia must face the decision to run away from her husband to London where the doctors also forbid her to go or stay with her beloved husband to fulfill her responsibility.

Laura Brown (Julianne Moore), is a mother fearing her ability to be a mother again. She is reading 'Mrs. Dalloway' in 1951 Los Angeles. The very pregnant Laura thinks she won't be an adequate mother to her daughter and current baby on the way in a few months. Laura must make the decision to run away from it all or live miserably with her happy husband. Given the era that she lives in and the "Pleasantville" mentality that a woman is only completely happy with a house, a happy husband and beautiful children, she dares not deviate from this social norm for fear of being an outcast.

Clarissa Vaughan (Meryl Streep) is a publisher living in present 2001 New York. Her nickname, given by her poet-friend, Richard, who is dying of AIDS, is Mrs. Dalloway. Clarissa is also throwing a party but for Richard who is receiving an award for his poetry. Like Virginia Woolf, Clarissa is also a lesbian but also wonders if she is in love with Richard with whom she once dated. She feels trapped and wants to be free from having to look after (and love) Richard, at the same time, she wants him to live on and can't help feeling for him.

At the end, the whole plot twists and comes together. It seems that Richard's mother is actually Laura Brown who left her family back then to escape from her depression. Sadly, it was revealed in the movie that her husband died of cancer, her daughter too died of an unknown cause, and her son (Richard) commited suicide (in the movie) for he dreaded his life as an AIDS patient. Perhaps, all these are repercussions of Laura's decision back then.

Having watched the movie, the questions and reflections remain....

1) Is it better to live your life for your own happiness or others?

2) If you do live for your own happiness, how would it affect others? Would you be considered a selfish person?

3) If you are not ready to be a good parent, you either don't be or learn how to be one. For how a child handles relationships and life (either now or in the future) is very much dependant on the manner in which his or her parents relate to him or her, like in the case of Laura Brown and her son, Richard.

So what should we do when we are faced with a dilemma of having to live your life for your own happiness or others? There are no fixed answers. I guessed you just have to decide it and not regret it or perhaps you can draw light from the ending of the movie The Hours when Virginia Woolf said:

to look life in the face,
always... to look life in the face...
and to know it... for what it is...
at last to know it...
to love it... for what it is...
and then...
to put it away.

always the years between us
always the years...
always the love...
always the hours...

Moi? A free-wheeling artist???

Never believed in such testings. Went against my principles and decided to do it anyway... Hmmm.. accurate?? You be the judge.

You can try it on your own. My Personal Dna Test

ABOUT YOU: You are an Artist

Your appreciation of beauty, ability to think abstractly, and innovativeness make you an ARTIST.

Never one to be tied to a particular way of doing things, you let your imagination guide you in discovering different possibilities.

You would rather seek out new experiences than stick to your everyday habits, taking in as much of the world as possible.

Your eye for beauty and your willingness to consider different perspectives make your creative efforts interesting—even though you may not realize this yourself.

You prefer to think about things before voicing your opinion, considering a wide, diverse range of options.
While there are forms and styles that you prefer, you tend to keep an open mind when it comes to your artistic preferences.

You are curious about things, interested in the "why" more than the “how.”

You have an active imagination that leads you express yourself in a distinct way.

You're not one to force your positions on a group, and you tend to be fair in evaluating different options.

You're not afraid to let your emotions guide you, and you're generally considerate of others' feelings as well.

If you want to be different:
Be more open to risks in your creative efforts, and don't be quick to dismiss the praise of others.
Think about how attention to detail may help you be more sure of yourself.


HOW YOU RELATE TO OTHERS: You are Free-Wheeling

Your charismatic nature, liveliness, and independence make you FREE-WHEELING.

You don't mind being in the spotlight but prefer smaller gatherings and quiet nights.

You take a practical approach to people, not getting too involved in their feelings—or their business.

At the same time, your acceptance of others leads you to be understanding of their life circumstances, even if you don't quite understand their emotional reactions to some things.

Although you have a wide circle of friends, you're very discerning as to whom you can trust.

You're not rigid in your beliefs about the world, and you don't want to impose your perspective on others, but at the same time, you know that plenty of people don't always act responsibly.

Engaging with others is a large part of how you live in the world, and most importantly, it plays a role in how you see yourself—you tend to learn the most about yourself in situations where you are with other people.

You have an understanding of the complexities of situations, and you don't judge others too hastily.

If you want to be different:
Your open-mindedness about the world gives you a great perspective on things, but your lack of trust in others limits how close you can get with them. Try opening up to people a bit more without losing your healthy skepticism.

It's OVER?!

It was a much anticipated break. It was so needed to get away from the madness, the rush of things, the deprived sleep and the stress (sometimes self-imposed). Sadly, it came and it was gone. Over. Finito.

Didn't even manage to experience much of it. Spent 3 days going for courses, one of which was rather enjoyable except that some other Jedis who went on the same course last year did it in MIDDLE EARTH!!!!! Haiz.. and we had to do the course in the hot and humid Red Hill (literally). So, no flying fox, no climbing up poles or walking across unstable bridges way up above the ground and worst of all no skydiving (which I'll do some day.. just not yet).

Key takeaways?

One of the framework taught is the Adventure Wave which represents the variation in intensity and focus before, during and after an adventure activity and it is symbolised by a wave.

The three components include:

Briefing: Briefing a group about an activity, before it takes place. May involve pointing out the relevance of the adventure activity.

Activity: Doing the activity itself, with guidance and supervision from an instructor.

Debriefing: Reviewing and discussing what took place. Participants reflect on their own experience and share feelings and insights with other group member's and explore how the experience relates to their own life.

It doesn't stop at one wave as the wave can go on to let the learning progress. However, to facilitate a good and meaningful learning experience, we need to do the following:

Hence, let us reflect... Are we doing enough of the planning? Are we doing things right? Have we reviewed what we've been doing thus far? And I'm not just talking about what we do at work, but more importantly what we do at home and in our lives as well. With this in mind, we'll have to embark on yet another wave and let the adventure begin.

So, is it over? Are we over? Nah... It has just begun...

Possible themes for 2007...

1) Don't miss the Forest for the trees

2) Bite and never let go

Any other suggestions?

Glorious Chat

Perhaps we inflict all the unnecessary pain upon ourselves and try to hide from it all by keeping ourselves busy. How did we become like this? Children running away from homes, husbands and wives breaking their vows, people killing people for a lost cause.....
Why do people hurt the most, the ones they love the most?

Perhaps it's time to let go.......... of work, of hurts, of worries, and of pain....


GLORIOUS CHAT

God: Hello. Did you msg me?

Me: Msg you? No. Who is this?

God: This is GOD. I heard your prayers. So I thought I will Chat .

Me: I do pray. Just makes me feel good. I am actually busy now. I am in the midst of something.

God: What are you busy at? Ants are busy too.

Me: Don't know. But I can't find free time. Life has become hectic. It's rush hour all the time.

God: Sure. Activity gets you busy. But productivity gets you results. Activity consumes time. Productivity frees it.

Me: I understand. But I still can't figure out. By the way, I was not expecting YOU to buzz me on instant messaging chat.

God: Well, I wanted to resolve your fight for time, by giving you some clarity. In this net era, I wanted to reach you through the Medium you are comfortable with.

Me: Tell me, why has life become complicated now?

God: Stop analyzing life. Just live it. Analysis is what makes it complicated .

Me: Why are we then constantly unhappy?

God: Your today is the tomorrow that you worried about yesterday. You are worrying because you are analyzing. Worrying has become your habit. That's why you are not happy.

Me: But how can we not worry when there is so much uncertainty?

God: Uncertainty is inevitable, but worrying is optional .

Me: But then, there is so much pain due to uncertainty...

God: Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.

Me: If suffering is optional, why do good people always suffer?

God: Diamond cannot be polished without friction. Gold cannot be purified without fire. Good people go through trials, but don't suffer. With that experience their life becomes better, not bitter.

Me: You mean to say such experience is useful?

God: Yes. In every term, Experience is a hard teacher. She gives the test first and the lessons afterwards.

Me: But still, why should we go through such tests? Why can't we be free from problems?

God: Problems are Purposeful Roadblocks Offering Beneficial Lessons to Enhance Mental Strength. Inner strength comes from struggle and endurance, not when you are free from problems.

Me: Frankly in the midst of so many problems, we don't know where we are heading...

God: If you look outside you will not know where you are heading. Look inside. Looking outside, you dream. Looking inside, you awaken. Eyes provide sight. Heart provides insight.

Me: Sometimes not succeeding fast seems to hurt more than moving In the right direction. What should I do ?

God: Success is a measure as decided by others. Satisfaction is a measure as decided by you. Knowing the road ahead is more satisfying than knowing you rode ahead. You work with the compass. Let others work with the clock.

Me: In tough times, how do you stay motivated?

God: Always look at how far you have come rather than how far you have to go. Always count your blessing, not what you are missing.

Me: What surprises you about people?

God: When they suffer they ask, "why me?" When they prosper, they never ask "Why me?" Everyone wishes to have truth on their side, but few want to be on the side of the truth.

Me: Sometimes I ask, who am I, why am I here. I can't get the answer.

God: Seek not to find who you are, but to determine who you want to be. Stop looking for a purpose as to why you are here. Create it. Life is not a process of discovery, but a process of creation.

Me: How can I get the best out of life?

God: Face your past without regret. Handle your present with confidence. Prepare for the future without fear.

Me: One last question. Sometimes I feel my prayers are not answered.

God: There are no unanswered prayers. At times the answer is NO.

Me: Thank you for this wonderful chat. I am so happy to start the New Day with a new sense of inspiration.

God: Well. Keep the faith and drop the fear. Don't believe your doubts and doubt your beliefs. Life is a mystery to solve, not a problem to resolve. Trust me. Life is wonderful if you know how to live.