12 July 2013 - a new beginning

Never thought I would mourn so much for a loved one especially when I've never had the chance to see, to hold and to know the person. But I did. And it hurts (a lot...). 

I wonder how Angel would be had he or she survived. Who would he or she take after? What personality would Angel have? Would Angel have my dimples and D's sweet smile? We had names prepared: Kaylene Isabel Tan or Dylan Isaac Tan. But now, since we do not know the gender, we decided on a unisex name and called our would be first born Baby Angel. 

Our brief two months with Angel was filled with happiness and hope but it did not last. God had other plans. He decided to take Angel up to heaven. We went Spain for our honeymoon hoping that our travels to the pilgrimage sites known for miracles and answering of prayers would bring about a miracle. 

A miracle did happen but it wasn't the one that was intended to be. Miracles can come in different forms I guess - I have not seen D, a non-Christian, prayed so fervently or so regularly during our years together. I guess God has his way of changing people. And I must credit our Baby Angel for making that small change. 

I've gone through many heartaches but this is one really painful episode. But everything happens for a reason and I will move on and hopefully our wishes and dreams of becoming parents will soon come true.

I'll always remember this day - 12 July 2013. 

Today marks a new beginning - the end of my 14 days medical leave (something I've not taken in the past 7 years). I have to stop mourning, go back to reality and once again, learn to move on.

Today marks a happy occasion at the same time. Our 4th year anniversary as a couple. Our first time celebrating this as husband and wife. It's somewhat bitter sweet. While we are sad about what had happened, today reminds that we still have each other and that we can overcome this together and try again.

Oh yes and how can I forget my dear Blog. While you may not be read anymore, I have not forgotten you. Happy 8th Year Anniversary 7 Years Later. Thank you for being my companion. 

Often we take things for granted: God, family, friends and health. Today, I'm reminded to be thankful for people who have helped me during this difficult time. Our dear friends, my caring colleagues, and most importantly my pillar of strength - my hubby. I'm still trying to reconcile my feelings with God. Not sure if it's a test. Not sure why He allowed it to happen. But deep down I tell myself as always that He knows what's best and everything happens for a reason. With each passing, brings new hope.. 

Everything in His time... 

Everything in His time...

P.S:

I dedicate this entry to our Baby Angel. 

21 April - 28 June...

Till we meet again...