It's been 5 months, old friend...

Just realised that I have neglected my blog for a full 5 months... that's almost half a year... I blame it on Facebook which I log on religiously on an almost daily basis. 

It's not as if I've nothing to blog about. At times when something inspired me to write an entry, I'll try to organise the ideas in my mind but something else always take precedence...  

It seems this year, I'm revamping myself.. and keeping myself very occupied to fill the void. I've been running.... figuratively and literally...  Running long distance has become an obsession. Just this week, I ran 40km in all. I think my legs will give way very soon... and yoga doesn't seem to help release the tension. But so far, it's keeping me fit and ironically, that pain feels therapeutic and gives me a somewhat sense of pleasure... hmm.. 

But I think that over the past 8 months... I've taken on a different perspective... I used to be more cautious, practical, and only keen on doing things I'm good at. Maybe it's cos I'm just a few months shy from entering the next decade of my life... I feel that I should experience life more... take more risks... learn more things... make more friends...and most importantly spend more time with loved ones... the ones who were there more or less throughout my life...

As such, when it came to my June Vacation this year, I decided to go to less travelled lands... Bosnia & Herzegovina and Croatia. While parts of the country still have reminders of the 1990s Bosnian War and inherent racial tension still prevails, both are surprising safe (except for the occasion unexplored landmines and the collapsable bullet-ridden buildings) and the people we met have been absolutely generous and warm. Yes, they do not forget... but they forgive. 

It's a very different trip for me. Due to work, I had no time to research or plan and just decided to go with an open heart and mind and see what happens when I get there. I was jittery the day before though. I bought a ticket, packed what I needed for abt 14 days and went over without insurance, bookings for accommodation and itinerary, with people I hardly know. But this spontaneity was one of the best things I've done this year. I've never learnt so much about another country (possibly cos I was never familiar with the Eastern Europe's history). I ended up staying at hostels, sleeping in some local's home, cooking meals for 5 people when I hardly cook in Singapore and almost landed in the police station (my travel mates eventually were detained.. details will not be divulged). 

It also left me churning as I found out that it was the Orthodox Christians and Catholics that did most of the ethnic cleansing on the Muslims. Essentially, they were the same race.. Europeans.. mostly blue-eyed blond / dark brown hair.. just separated by religion. I couldn't comprehend a war in modern times and in a modern city. The first hand accounts of war were horrific and hard to digest. I kept trying to remind Bata, the most passionate and somewhat aggrieved of the lot, not to associate the deeds by the Orthodox Serbians & Catholics Croatians with Christianity. He replied that he knows.. after all, people do associate terrorism with the Islam faith when it propagates no such acts of evil.  

The photography experience was also quite amazing... There were several interesting sights and people to snap and the learning curve was especially steep as my travel mates were very well equipped and know the technicalities of shooting. I've always relied on aesthetic appeal and instinct when it comes to composing pic... no GND, CPL, heavy post processing.. though I still won't be doing such stuff.. at least now, I know how it's used and done. 

Overall, I love my 2 weeks there. I will most probably continue to do such trips.. right now, Kazakhstan, Uzbekistan, Bhutan, India and Peru are on my list... Will most probably see Iceland another time. This along with learning fencing, golfing, playing a violin, and sky diving.. all in due time.. 

At the home front, I've learned to appreciate our multi-racial society and the peace we have here in Singapore. I can't imagine a day when any race in Singapore would attempt to perform ethnic cleansing on another race.. but really, never say never...  I'm also worried about my grandma's and dad's health.. both had a scare recently. Grandma landed in hospital again.. though she has recovered I know she's buying time... In 2006, we were told she has 3 more mths to live. I guess women in my family are strong. She's still fighting, though I know she's ready to go.. When she became conscious, she asked us why hasn't she died... 

Last night, I was up the whole night.. on standby... Dad had chest pains... and the readings from the digital blood pressure monitor showed that his systolic/diastolic pressures were too high. I tried to stay calm.. he did too.. I could see the fear in his eyes.. and I was afraid.. very afraid.. After medication, he tried to take the measurement again, only to our horror that the batteries went flat.. and we didn't have any AAA batteries left! That alone perhaps stressed my dad even more. It took some time to charge those batteries. He did not want to go to the hospital yet.. so we adhered to his wishes.. that 15 to 20 mins wait at 1.30am was torturous... there was nothing we could do.. but wait and pray.. 

Thankfully, it wasn't a full blown heart attack like his previous one. I hope there won't be anymore such scare.. but I know the chance of relapse increases with age... I can just pray that God will take care of him.. 

I do not know when I will blog again... I hope I to write more.. Feeling rusty as it is... the words don't seem to flow as easily as it used to... it's a shame. 

Though it's totally irrelevant.. would just end this blog with a famous quote from Ludwig van Beethoven to his immortal beloved cos it's constantly on my mind... 

ever thine
ever mine
ever ours...

.

,

Details in the Fabric

Details In The Fabric

(Jason Mraz feat. James Morrison)

Calm down
Deep breaths
And get yourself dressed instead
Of running around
And pulling all your threads saying
Breaking yourself up
.
If it's a broken part, replace it
If it's a broken arm then brace it
If it's a broken heart then face it
.
And hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your own name
And go your own way
.
And everything will be fine
Everything will be fine
.
Hang on
Help is on the way
Stay strong
I'm doing everything
.
Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
.
And everything, everything will be fine
Everything
.
Are the details in the fabric
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling?
.
Are the things that make you blow
Hell, no reason, go on and scream
If you're shocked it's just the fault
Of faulty manufacturing.
.
Yeah everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Everything
.
Hold your own
And know your name
And go your own way
.
Are the details in the fabric (Hold your own, know your name)
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling? (Go your own way)
.
Are the details in the fabric (Hold your own, know your name)
Are the things that make you panic (Go your own way)
Is it Mother Nature's sewing machine?
.
Are the things that make you blow (Hold your own, know your name)
Hell no reason go on and scream
If you're shocked it's just the fault (Go your own way)
Of faulty manufacturing
.
Everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Hearts will hold
.

This is the current song that befits my mood... Tells me to be strong, hold on and not break myself up.

It's ironic how just this morning, a jedi told me that I'll be getting the "I am Healthy Award" for having zero MC this year, and later in the afternoon, my doc tells me that my condition has deteriorated. She recommended me a series of medication and I asked her how long can I hold it for? Of course, it was the usual reply... You are still young.. the earlier the treatment, the better... I'll hold. It's not a life and death situation as yet.

As I left and drove off, I find myself crying to my destination... vivo... I planned to watch Vicky Cristina Barcelona last night, and strangely, I didn't let the news change my plans. Life has to go on... Perhaps, I've become immuned to such misfortunes or that I have come to realise that there are many more who are suffering worst fates than me.. or that I have faith that everything happens for a reason and that God will make things right for us... It's not blind faith..cos I've actually recovered from my earlier setbacks much faster that I could imagine...

In fact, someone asked me how I hold my shit up... nah.. the exact words were... "Now I really admire u n respect u for the way u coped so well wif ur probs"

And so, after Vicky Cristina Barcelona, a brillant film by Woody Allen ( a pity it is not so popular just because it's not a commercialised movie), I found myself aiming to go Spain in the next two years, a country which I planned to go in 2003 but didn't... I also found myself laughing at the silliness of relationships, obsessions and worries, and I became happier... and also a little more hopeful that it'll be a PASS so that I can go for RP with SK.

I've made a decision not to be obsessed by the details in the fabric... and just calm down, take deep breaths and not break myself up...

If it's a broken part, replace it

If it's a broken arm then brace it

If it's a broken heart then face it

And hold MY own

Know MY name

And go MY own way

Hold MY own

Know MY own name

And go MY own way

And everything will be fine

Everything will be fine

.

Note: I chanced upon this Youtube which features a dancer doing a comtemporary improvisation... something like the kind of dance that I learnt from Silva... It's very pretty and graceful. How I wish I can dance again... . A pity it stops short at 1 min and 43 secs and then it goes into a black screen of darkness.... a tragedy of my life perhaps.. that good things come to an end (shortly)..

.

Whoopy!!!!!!! I'm having the Whooping cough...

Today's my very first visit to a Traditional Chinese Medicine Hall (TCM)

I guess after coughing for so long, taking many antibiotics, going for an X-ray, drinking all sorts of self-concocted medication, I gave up.

I decided to go CHEENA for my health...

"百日咳 " "bai ri ke" (a hundred days cough) is an understatement. I may have breached the 100th day mark TWICE or more :(

The English equivalent is known as PERTUSSIS (wah.. so chim.. cough cough..)

I decided to check it up.. the definition is as such:

A highly contagious disease of the respiratory system, that is caused by the bacterium Bordetella pertussis and is characterised in its advanced stage by spasms of coughing interspersed with deep, noisy inspirations.

Wow.. so all Jedis and Padawans stay away from me... I'm gg back to school in an 'Outbreak 'suit.. or better still... please bar me from gg back to school!!!!

The experience at the TCM was rather frustrating but I realised (or rather I've always known) my Chinese is not so good and so is my health. Here's why:

1) When the Chinese (fr China) receptionist asked me for my number in mandarin, I realised I couldn't recite it out. I had to think in English and number by number convert it to mandarin at a rather slow pace, though I tried to sound cheena by saying "Yao" instead of "Yi" for the number one.. keke...

2) After pressing my wrist for my pulse, the lady doctor could diagnose what's wrong..(I'm amazed and at the same time skeptical) She was telling me in mandarin that my lungs have weakened and the causes of my condition. I was trying my best to interpret but most of the time I was like.. "What's that in English? Can you translate to English? Fei?? Which organ is that? Oohh.. Lungs.. Oh crap.. what did she say after that..." She's from Shanghai.. so she did her best to translate certain terms and I did my best to decipher her technical terms...I was literally LOST IN TRANSLATION.

3) She told me what I needed to do and which food to avoid: sleep early, avoid stress, avoid coffee, tea, milo, orange, cold drinks, dairy products esp cheese & chocolates, chicken, anything spicy, fried and oily...

Wah lau.. common sense will also tell me if I do all these I'll be slim, healthy, stress-free and most probably have stopped working. How to avoid??

4) The medication which lasts for 7 days cost $50!!!! MOE doesn't allow medical claims for TCM and I'm supposed to go back for the weekly dosage till my "Qi" is balanced??!! When will that be?? She said 'depends'!!??

Now, I'm back home.. looking at my 14 sachets of TCM (see pic) and I'm seriously thinking if it'll work. Is what she had said just common sense? I'm also wondering what's in those powder substance that I'll be taking.. but I have to trust her.. this is a TCM hall which has the "Superbrand" logo and she has a Masters in Chinese Medicine too. Since all old methods of getting rid of the "dunno how many days aredi" cough have failed, TCM is my last resort!!!! And if it works, it'll be a small price to pay to prevent an onslaught of a serious illness.

Crap!!!! I'm only in my 20s (albeit a late one)