It's been 5 months, old friend...

Just realised that I have neglected my blog for a full 5 months... that's almost half a year... I blame it on Facebook which I log on religiously on an almost daily basis. 

It's not as if I've nothing to blog about. At times when something inspired me to write an entry, I'll try to organise the ideas in my mind but something else always take precedence...  

It seems this year, I'm revamping myself.. and keeping myself very occupied to fill the void. I've been running.... figuratively and literally...  Running long distance has become an obsession. Just this week, I ran 40km in all. I think my legs will give way very soon... and yoga doesn't seem to help release the tension. But so far, it's keeping me fit and ironically, that pain feels therapeutic and gives me a somewhat sense of pleasure... hmm.. 

But I think that over the past 8 months... I've taken on a different perspective... I used to be more cautious, practical, and only keen on doing things I'm good at. Maybe it's cos I'm just a few months shy from entering the next decade of my life... I feel that I should experience life more... take more risks... learn more things... make more friends...and most importantly spend more time with loved ones... the ones who were there more or less throughout my life...

As such, when it came to my June Vacation this year, I decided to go to less travelled lands... Bosnia & Herzegovina and Croatia. While parts of the country still have reminders of the 1990s Bosnian War and inherent racial tension still prevails, both are surprising safe (except for the occasion unexplored landmines and the collapsable bullet-ridden buildings) and the people we met have been absolutely generous and warm. Yes, they do not forget... but they forgive. 

It's a very different trip for me. Due to work, I had no time to research or plan and just decided to go with an open heart and mind and see what happens when I get there. I was jittery the day before though. I bought a ticket, packed what I needed for abt 14 days and went over without insurance, bookings for accommodation and itinerary, with people I hardly know. But this spontaneity was one of the best things I've done this year. I've never learnt so much about another country (possibly cos I was never familiar with the Eastern Europe's history). I ended up staying at hostels, sleeping in some local's home, cooking meals for 5 people when I hardly cook in Singapore and almost landed in the police station (my travel mates eventually were detained.. details will not be divulged). 

It also left me churning as I found out that it was the Orthodox Christians and Catholics that did most of the ethnic cleansing on the Muslims. Essentially, they were the same race.. Europeans.. mostly blue-eyed blond / dark brown hair.. just separated by religion. I couldn't comprehend a war in modern times and in a modern city. The first hand accounts of war were horrific and hard to digest. I kept trying to remind Bata, the most passionate and somewhat aggrieved of the lot, not to associate the deeds by the Orthodox Serbians & Catholics Croatians with Christianity. He replied that he knows.. after all, people do associate terrorism with the Islam faith when it propagates no such acts of evil.  

The photography experience was also quite amazing... There were several interesting sights and people to snap and the learning curve was especially steep as my travel mates were very well equipped and know the technicalities of shooting. I've always relied on aesthetic appeal and instinct when it comes to composing pic... no GND, CPL, heavy post processing.. though I still won't be doing such stuff.. at least now, I know how it's used and done. 

Overall, I love my 2 weeks there. I will most probably continue to do such trips.. right now, Kazakhstan, Uzbekistan, Bhutan, India and Peru are on my list... Will most probably see Iceland another time. This along with learning fencing, golfing, playing a violin, and sky diving.. all in due time.. 

At the home front, I've learned to appreciate our multi-racial society and the peace we have here in Singapore. I can't imagine a day when any race in Singapore would attempt to perform ethnic cleansing on another race.. but really, never say never...  I'm also worried about my grandma's and dad's health.. both had a scare recently. Grandma landed in hospital again.. though she has recovered I know she's buying time... In 2006, we were told she has 3 more mths to live. I guess women in my family are strong. She's still fighting, though I know she's ready to go.. When she became conscious, she asked us why hasn't she died... 

Last night, I was up the whole night.. on standby... Dad had chest pains... and the readings from the digital blood pressure monitor showed that his systolic/diastolic pressures were too high. I tried to stay calm.. he did too.. I could see the fear in his eyes.. and I was afraid.. very afraid.. After medication, he tried to take the measurement again, only to our horror that the batteries went flat.. and we didn't have any AAA batteries left! That alone perhaps stressed my dad even more. It took some time to charge those batteries. He did not want to go to the hospital yet.. so we adhered to his wishes.. that 15 to 20 mins wait at 1.30am was torturous... there was nothing we could do.. but wait and pray.. 

Thankfully, it wasn't a full blown heart attack like his previous one. I hope there won't be anymore such scare.. but I know the chance of relapse increases with age... I can just pray that God will take care of him.. 

I do not know when I will blog again... I hope I to write more.. Feeling rusty as it is... the words don't seem to flow as easily as it used to... it's a shame. 

Though it's totally irrelevant.. would just end this blog with a famous quote from Ludwig van Beethoven to his immortal beloved cos it's constantly on my mind... 

ever thine
ever mine
ever ours...

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,

Details in the Fabric

Details In The Fabric

(Jason Mraz feat. James Morrison)

Calm down
Deep breaths
And get yourself dressed instead
Of running around
And pulling all your threads saying
Breaking yourself up
.
If it's a broken part, replace it
If it's a broken arm then brace it
If it's a broken heart then face it
.
And hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your own name
And go your own way
.
And everything will be fine
Everything will be fine
.
Hang on
Help is on the way
Stay strong
I'm doing everything
.
Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
.
And everything, everything will be fine
Everything
.
Are the details in the fabric
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling?
.
Are the things that make you blow
Hell, no reason, go on and scream
If you're shocked it's just the fault
Of faulty manufacturing.
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Yeah everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Everything
.
Hold your own
And know your name
And go your own way
.
Are the details in the fabric (Hold your own, know your name)
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling? (Go your own way)
.
Are the details in the fabric (Hold your own, know your name)
Are the things that make you panic (Go your own way)
Is it Mother Nature's sewing machine?
.
Are the things that make you blow (Hold your own, know your name)
Hell no reason go on and scream
If you're shocked it's just the fault (Go your own way)
Of faulty manufacturing
.
Everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Hearts will hold
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This is the current song that befits my mood... Tells me to be strong, hold on and not break myself up.

It's ironic how just this morning, a jedi told me that I'll be getting the "I am Healthy Award" for having zero MC this year, and later in the afternoon, my doc tells me that my condition has deteriorated. She recommended me a series of medication and I asked her how long can I hold it for? Of course, it was the usual reply... You are still young.. the earlier the treatment, the better... I'll hold. It's not a life and death situation as yet.

As I left and drove off, I find myself crying to my destination... vivo... I planned to watch Vicky Cristina Barcelona last night, and strangely, I didn't let the news change my plans. Life has to go on... Perhaps, I've become immuned to such misfortunes or that I have come to realise that there are many more who are suffering worst fates than me.. or that I have faith that everything happens for a reason and that God will make things right for us... It's not blind faith..cos I've actually recovered from my earlier setbacks much faster that I could imagine...

In fact, someone asked me how I hold my shit up... nah.. the exact words were... "Now I really admire u n respect u for the way u coped so well wif ur probs"

And so, after Vicky Cristina Barcelona, a brillant film by Woody Allen ( a pity it is not so popular just because it's not a commercialised movie), I found myself aiming to go Spain in the next two years, a country which I planned to go in 2003 but didn't... I also found myself laughing at the silliness of relationships, obsessions and worries, and I became happier... and also a little more hopeful that it'll be a PASS so that I can go for RP with SK.

I've made a decision not to be obsessed by the details in the fabric... and just calm down, take deep breaths and not break myself up...

If it's a broken part, replace it

If it's a broken arm then brace it

If it's a broken heart then face it

And hold MY own

Know MY name

And go MY own way

Hold MY own

Know MY own name

And go MY own way

And everything will be fine

Everything will be fine

.

Note: I chanced upon this Youtube which features a dancer doing a comtemporary improvisation... something like the kind of dance that I learnt from Silva... It's very pretty and graceful. How I wish I can dance again... . A pity it stops short at 1 min and 43 secs and then it goes into a black screen of darkness.... a tragedy of my life perhaps.. that good things come to an end (shortly)..

.

We'll find a way...

GOD WILL MAKE A WAY

by Don Moen

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God will make a way where there seems to be no way

He works in ways we cannot see

He will make a way for me

He will be my guide

Hold me closely to His side

With love and strength

For each new day

He will make a way

He will make a way

.

.

By a roadway

In the wilderness

He'll lead me

And rivers in the desert will I see

Heaven and earth will fade

But his word will still remain

He will do something new today

.
.

God will make a way where there seems to be no way

He works in ways we cannot see

He will make a way for me

He will be my guide

Hold me closely to His side

With love and strength

For each new day

He will make a way

He will make a way

.
.

2021

.

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Amazing Grace..

An ex-padawan gave me this link... Though I watched the movie (which was free for teachers) I didn't know about this MTV till now.. I did blog about that movie though in a previous entry.
The true story bears great significance but it may not impact us as much as it is remote to us in terms of time and country.

This morning, I watched another free movie meant for teachers. I guess teaching has it's perks in this sense... I've been watching a number of free educational movies this year... Freedom Writers, Amazing Grace, Artic Tale, and Hurricane on the Bayou @ Omni-max theatre (as part of Teachers' Day's goodie.. free offer for teachers last till 4th Sept.. so hurry!!).

Hurricane on the Bayou, is a timely film which shows audience how Louisiana was like before, during and after the unprecedented devastation of Hurricane Katrina. The thing that struck me was that one of the reasons for that strong hurricane was the rapidly disappearing wetlands which served as New Orleans' first line of defence against deadly storms. I didn't know about that at all. It wasn't really emphasised in the papers. According to the U.S. Geological Survey, the wetlands are vanishing at an astonishing rate of 4046sq meters every 38 minutes. And why did the wetland disappear?? Need I say it?
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Human's indifference to preserving the envrionment.
Human's convenience & greed at the expense of the environment.
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Again, it is a true story that may seem remote to us in terms of time and country. Frankly, I read about the diaster and seen the footages but other than feeling sorry and uttering a little prayer for them, I don't think I did anything more. Yet, watching the movie this morning stirs up emotions once again and made me wonder what we can do to stop all these environmental disasters from happening when it could have been prevented.
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Perhaps, through education, we can one day convince the current and future generation the importance to put our environment and humanity before other secondary wants such as wealth and convenience.
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Looking at today's article on the latest complaints by house owners of places surrounded by enblocs esates, I felt a little relieved since one of the problem areas, Telok Kurau Lor N, was a place where I briefly stayed. However, all that unhappiness could have been prevented. Don't you think it is senseless to tear down perfectly good houses and condominums just to build new ones and sell. That's such a gross waste of building materials, especially the sand and granite. Couldn't they just find some other place to build it? Yeah yeah.. location is everything. A developer can earn more if the location is right. So I guess it's "ok" to remove more sand from other countries' islands and more granite from quarries.
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What will it take for all to realise that wealth and convenience are not everything?
What will it take for people to be less selfish and more giving?
What will it take for us to be less mean to others?
What will it take for us all to give life rather than take lives?
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Ans: Amazing Grace.
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Grace (noun) fr http://www.dictionary.com/
.
1. (Christian theology) a state of sanctification by God; the state of one who is under such divine influence; "the conception of grace developed alongside the conception of sin"; "it was debated whether saving grace could be obtained outside the membership of the church"; "the Virgin lived in a state of grace"
.
2. elegance and beauty of movement or expression; "a beautiful figure which she used in subtle movements of unparalleled grace"

3. a sense of propriety and consideration for others; "a place where the company of others must be accepted with good grace"
.
4. a disposition of kindness and compassion; "the victor's grace in treating the vanquished"
.
5. (Greek mythology) one of three sisters who were the givers of beauty and charm; a favorite subject for sculptors
.
6. a short prayer of thanks before a meal; "their youngest son said grace"

7. (Christian theology) the free and unmerited favor or beneficence of God
.

Feedforward...

"Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. But now he has reconciled you by Christ's physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation-- if you continue in your faith, established and firm, not moved from the hope held out in the gospel. This is the gospel that you heard and that has been proclaimed to every creature under heaven, and of which I, Paul, have become a servant." — Colossians 1:21

Hmm I've never blogged about meetings.. but today, I learnt something useful during one.... Something that i ought to use especially for 2007, a significant year.

The idea is simple.

We can change the future. We can't change the past. So in a way, feedforward helps people envision and focus on a positive future, not a failed past. How wonderful..

So, how do we give feedforward (as opposed to giving feedback)????
Just follow the four rules:

Rule #1) Let go of the past (Hmm.. easier said than done, huh?)
Rule #2) Listen to suggestions without judgement
Rule #3) Learn as much as you can
Rule #4) Help as much as you can

To view the clip by Marshall Goldsmith on the idea of feedforward.. click here

PS: Btw, this Marshall guy really looks like Doc (Christopher Lloyd) in Back to the Future.. (how apt)


CORINNE BAILEY RAE "Put Your Records On"

Three little birds, sat on my window

And they told me I don't need to worry

Summer came like cinnamon so sweet

Little girls double-dutch on the concrete

Maybe sometimes, we've got it wrong,but it's alright
The more things seem to change, the more they stay the same
Oh, don't you hesitate.

Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans
I hope you get your dreams
Just go ahead, let your hair down
You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow

Blue as the sky, sunburnt and lonely
Sipping tea in the bar by the roadside (just relax, just relax)
Don't you let those other boys fool you
Got to love that afro hair do.

Maybe sometimes, we feel afraid, but it's alright
The more you stay the same, the more they seem to change
Don't you think it's strange?

Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans
I hope you get your dreams
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.'
Twas more than I could take, pity for pity's sake
Some nights kept me awake, I thought that I was stronger
When you gonna realise, that you don't even have to try any longer?
Do what you want to.

Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

Oh, you're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow

Have hope... Life just gets better..... :p