I'm back...

I'd expected the month to pass by very quickly. And there it went, my days in the UK are over. All the wintery feel is gone. I really enjoyed the first half of my trip, the 2nd would have been nicer if and only if... While I did see snow fall for the first time.... it was way too short. A mere 2 minutes was all I experienced. But it brought a smile and a thought that perhaps 2 years was way too short as well. I just have to be patient and wait for my snow fall experience again. I know it will come back to me one day. I just have to keep hoping..

As I was unpacking and planning my insurmountable to-do-list, the TV was switched on to fill in the silence (as advised by someone). In Her Shoes was on TV... didn't really catch the show.. but paused as Cameron Diaz's character read out this poem to her sister on her wedding day.

It's simple in delivery. Nothing too profound which is what things should be in reality. Nothing much to figure out too.. Not everything needs to be analysed too critically. It's just unconditional love. If you can feel something special when you read / hear it, you have been blessed.

.

I carry your heart with me

(I carry it in my heart)

by E. E. Cummings

.

I carry your heart with me

(I carry it in my heart)

I am never without it

(anywhere I go, you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)

I fear no fate

(for you are my fate, my sweet)

I want no world

(for beautiful you are my world, my true)

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you

.

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

.

I carry your heart

(I carry it in my heart)

.

.

We'll find a way...

GOD WILL MAKE A WAY

by Don Moen

.

.

God will make a way where there seems to be no way

He works in ways we cannot see

He will make a way for me

He will be my guide

Hold me closely to His side

With love and strength

For each new day

He will make a way

He will make a way

.

.

By a roadway

In the wilderness

He'll lead me

And rivers in the desert will I see

Heaven and earth will fade

But his word will still remain

He will do something new today

.
.

God will make a way where there seems to be no way

He works in ways we cannot see

He will make a way for me

He will be my guide

Hold me closely to His side

With love and strength

For each new day

He will make a way

He will make a way

.
.

2021

.

.

The Days

Watched The Days last night. Normally, I wouldn't have watched a movie about Ah Bengs but my friend was starring in that movie... and so I went to support her.. and of course local movies too...

I remember three years ago when Adele and I were having a break from our Dance rehearsal for the Qi Concert, we were playing with our iPod minis. I actually remembered her's was green and mine blue.. She let me listen to a song she recorded. I was amazed as it sounded really professional.. Of course I had no clue what the lyrics meant cos it was in Mandarin ;(

We talked a little about whether she's intending to pursue singing... can't remember exactly what we said but I being the practical person did think that it's difficult to pursue music in Singapore... how skeptical.. Look where she is now.. she has a movie and her very own MTV.. I hope it's a stepping stone for her, especially since she is one of the more credible and natural actor on that movie and she looks so pretty...

Perhaps, this is a lesson for us to remind ourselves that we should all learn to follow our dreams and pursue what we want to do no matter what the society pressures are.

As for the movie, it was surprisingly engaging. There was 'heart' and meaning (except for the ending though) but I guess more so because it was set in my time.. my 'era'... The 90's. The days (for a short period of time) when almost every alternate Saturdays, I'll be at a Tea Dance at Shock Odyssey or Fire (embarrass). And the Chantel Thomas bag, Versace hairband and Ferragamo hairclip that were given to me although it was known that I did not like those stuff. I also had a pager back then.. I still have it!!! I thought it'll be something that will be absolete in the future.. better keep it as an antique.. haha..

The movie also brought back memories of my rather forgotten past.... not that I was an Ah Lian .. but like Adele's good girl character in the movie, I dated a somewhat similar character.. Mark Ong.

I must clarify that he's not the Hokkien beng.. strangely, he's from an English speaking family...studied in an all boys' school and doesn't speak much chinese but because of external influence and family background (perhaps), he was involved with other bengs and became like one.

There was such an uncanny resemblance in the movie... two teens - good student /prefect/potential JC kid + quiet but violent beng when provoked, who happens to want to be known as Tian Long...though that wasn't his real name (The ah beng character in the movie is Zi Long)

And there was one scene that really triggered my memory... the scene where Shan Shan (Adele's character) helped Zi Long to study. I recalled the times I was trying to teach Mark E maths... much to both parties' frustration.. (no wonder I ended up being an English teacher instead).

And then there were the down times when I worried for his safety or when he told me he had to "settle something" and the times I feared being spot checked by the police because he carried this ridiculously big swissknife-looking weapon for God knows what reasons, when we were out. In fact, the police did check us on one occasion but luckily he wasn't frisked. There was also a time when he was housing two friends who ran away from Gracehaven (it even came out in the papers). And then there were the tattoos.. chinese character 龙, the thorns around the arm & the dragon & red sun which I totally hated.

Yet, it was the sweetest relationship I ever had...

He was very patient when he's with me. He's muscially & artistically gifted and he would serenade me on his guitar, make me music tapes of the songs he finds meaningful, write me poems and draw sketches of me (during his Literature exam! He gave me his exam question paper with my sketch on it).. very much the SNAGs, a real distinction from the ah bengs. And he always kept his promises and didn't make those he couldn't keep (hmm sounds familiar)...

The relationship lasted almost 2 years and would have gone on longer. There was nothing wrong with us. He initiated the breakup near the end of Sec 4. Reason being that I'll be gg to a JC and he.. most probably nowhere (It turned out, we had a 20 points gap in our O level L1R5). I understood his dilemma and his pain but respected his decision and maturity. He did promise me that he'll be there for me. True enough, he kept me company to church for 6 more months and occasionally went out for movies but he was very careful not to cross the line of friendship.... He slowly distant himself from me... and by the end of 6 months, I had kept myself busy with my JC life and I could let go... That helped eased the pain of breaking up... I think he intended it this way. Considering he was 16 then, he fared so much better than some adult males who just dumps the girl. Sadly, I have never heard from him since...

My friends did though... he asked about me and somehow knew that I am a teacher. I also met his mother too some time when I was in Uni (she really liked me back then). She asked me to visit and gave me their new home address and number. I never called. I read about him in the papers too and cut that article. His band, Straightjacket Experiment, cut an album and was featured in a full page article in Life section. Come to think of it, I still have his first demo tape. I'm not sure what happened to him or where he is now but I last heard that he was working at Zouk briefly and was pursuing music...

I guess it is fate that our paths never crossed since 1996. Perhaps it's better this way. I'll only have sweet memories of him and of THE DAYS when we were together. Wherever you are Mark, I wish you well.

What will happen from now till the next leap year?

Ex padawan: Cher... you know when I saw Wong Li Lin in The Leap Years, she really reminded me of you.....

I watched The Leap Years last week... I really liked the show regardless the negative reviews, the inconsistencies in the movie as well as the disturbing idea that everyone in Singapore seems to be speaking with an American accent! It was a feel good movie... The soundtrack is good.. especially cos of the familiar songs by Corrinne May, and one very haunting piano piece by Ryuichi Sakamoto, Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence which I'm now trying to play on my piano...

I got to admit... I was really flattered when I heard my ex-padawan tell me I reminded her of that main character... haha.. not that I'm anywhere near her beauty, sassiness, and confidence... It's just that the character, Li-ann, played by Wong Li Lin, did remind me a little of myself...

A convent girl... An English teacher who heads the department at 28... A person who is willing to take chances... A person who waits...

Well, if what had happened to her in reel life after the age of 28 is any indication of how my real life will turn out to be, I can foresee this future....

I'll quit teaching at 32 to set up a book store and I'll be driving a cool Blue Mini Cooper... At 36, I'll marry a dashing foreigner with long flowy hair whom I meet once every four years... (haha.. alrighty Lady 28.. you are right... that Ananda guy is cute... I give up.. ) And at 48, this man of my life will recover from a stroke to be with me for the rest of my life... wahh.. how tragic.. yet bittersweet.

Then again.... who knows what will happen in the future... I wonder how my 'blue figure' would look like...

One of the quotes I remember the most from my O level literature Text is this:

The course of true love never did run smooth - a Midsummer's nights dream by William Shakespeare

Yup... how true... It's always hard to work for love...
Hmm... maybe I should just work for a Mini Cooper at 32!!!

Then again... who knows what will happen from now till the next leap year...

It's just 1.5 for now.. and I'm happy... SRH

My Blueberry Nights...

"The story of a woman who takes the long route instead of the short one to meet up with the man she loves." Wong Kar Wai.

As I looked up at the window, I realised I was on the wrong side......

Maybe one of them ran off with someone else. Maybe the feelings just went away....

The company is great, the movie is great and the cast is even greater....

You have two of the smartest hollywood actresses Rachel Weisz, who graduated from the University of Cambridge and the oh-so-pretty Natalie Portman (my fav Hollywood actress along with Charlize Theron & Ashley Judd) who graduated from Harvard University. And how not to watch the movie when eye-candy Jude Law is in it.. (though I try to ignore the fact that he's not exactly a faithful person in real life). It's always nice to see both Natalie & Jude act in the same movie. First, it was Cold Mountain, then Closer and now My Blueberry Nights.

To my amazement too, the movie features one of my fav singer, Norah Jones. It was her screen debut and I say she did a pretty good job. She sang "The Story" in the movie soundtrack which will be released in Feb. Looking forward to it...

But the thing that really caught my attention was that this movie was directed by Wong Kar Wai, who is directing his first feature length English-language film. This is one director whose movies I'm drawn to... Chungking Express, Days of Being Wild, In the Mood for love & 2046. There's something about his trademark stylistic direction that appeals to me (though it sometimes irks people who view it as draggy). But I see the beauty in slowly revealing the plot and really fleshing out the characters, bringing out the subtleties of their emotions till you connect with them, feel them and experience their 'reel'-ality.

Without reading the synopsis, I knew this is the kind of movie that I will watch.... This is the kind I know YOU will watch too. Perhaps, this is what YOU can do on your free Saturdays...

So what's this movie abt?? (Warning: Spoiler ahead)

It's a story about Elizabeth (Norah Jones) who upon her breakup, met a new friend, a soul-mate, a cafe owner (Jude Law) from a foreign land. Shortly after, without saying goodbye, she just left. She sets out on a journey without a destination, leaving behind a life of memories and her new friend, who relentlessly tried to contact her. Why did she leave then? Perhaps to search for something to mend her broken heart. To escape to the furthest places possible..... to avoid the pain... or to avoid making the same mistakes......

Interestingly, while she was waitressing her way through the various States (to save enough to buy herself a car), Elizabeth befriends others whose yearnings and sorrows are greater than hers. They include a troubled cop (David Strathairn) and his estranged wife (Rachel Weisz), and a down-on-her-luck gambler (Natalie Portman) with a reconciliation issue. Through them, Elizabeth begins to see her reflection in others... recognising the true depths of loneliness and emptiness, and that somehow, she is much luckier than them... And through her soul-searching journey, she begins to understand that she had discovered herself and delights in who she is...

After many many days of wandering, close to a year, she decided to go back...

....back for a blueberry pie ...

....back to the Blueberry Nights...

Elizabeth: So what's wrong with the Blueberry Pie?

Jeremy: There's nothing wrong with the Blueberry Pie, just people make other choices. You can't blame the Blueberry Pie, it's just... no one wants it.

Elizabeth: Wait! I want a piece.

As I looked up at the window, I realised I was on the wrong side of the road. I took the longest time to get across that road. But it's not how long it takes to get across that matters, but who's waiting on the other side that really does...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Goodbye doesn't always mean the end. Sometimes, it means a new beginning.

~ Elizabeth~

Hey There.....

"Hey there Delilah" by Plain White T

Hey there Delilah
What's it like in New York City?
I'm a thousand miles away
But girl, tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Times Square can't shine as bright as you
I swear it's true

Hey there Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice, it's my disguise
I'm by your side

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me

Hey there Delilah
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me, girl
Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
We'll have it good
We'll have the life we knew we would
My word is good

Hey there Delilah
I've got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath away
I'd write it all
Even more in love with me you'd fall
We'd have it all

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me

A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way
Delilah I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you're to blame

Hey there Delilah
You be good and don't you miss me
Two more years and you'll be done with school
And I'll be making history like I do
You'll know it's all because of you
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there Delilah here's to you
This one's for you

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me

We Could be Together..

A classic song by Debbie Gibson, a singer from my 7 series era...

I'll never forget the first time I heard this song. It was a Primary 5 campfire held at NACTI campsite, South Buona Vista area. My team leader, Zanny taught us this song for our group's campfire performance. I can even remember the dance steps... haha... I'm amazed!!!!
But it's kind of hard to forget... cos our juvenile steps were practically a series of charades to the lyrics... haha..

For example:
"If you say 'Jump', I'll say how high" , the step involved was a series of jumps ..
"If you said "Run!" I'd run and fly", the steps involved were running on the spot followed by a flying action...

Come on .. we were only primary 5. ;p

Why the sudden mention of this song? Was marking a whole stack of Prelim paper 1 (can't take it.. stories are too unrealistic) , got bored... kept fidgeting.. maybe I should go out and mark...

I had the radio switched on in the background. Heard this familar but seldom heard tune and felt nostalgic, coupled with the fact that 796 is approaching.. So apt!

There should be more modern songs like this... clean... happy... cheerful... hopeful...

We Could be Together

by Debbie Gibson

.

If I were an only child

I would be a lonely child

But baby we've got nothing to lose

I'm standing tall in my own shoes

I'll take this chance

I'll make this choice

I'll right this wrong

I'll raise my voice

If it means

We'll be together for a while

.

I have never had a doubt

But for you I'll take time out

I'll push his love far away from me

And then I'll be completely free

I'll give up my security

For just the possibility

That we could be together for a while

.

CHORUS

If you said, "Jump!" I'd say, "How high?"

If you said, "Run!" I'd run and fly

Just for the chance

Just for the moment

Should the moment pass us by

And if you ask once, I'll tell you twice

I'll ignore the world's advice

If we could be together for a while

END OF CHORUS

.

I am taken by your strength

I've thought about it at great length

I thought that I was happy now

But there are things that I found out

Happiness means greater things

I'll sit here 'til that telephone rings

Then we could be together for a while.

.

CHORUS

.

BRIDGE:

Wait'll I tell my guy (wait'll I tell)

Wait'll I tell my other friends

They'll all think I'm crazy-And you know what?

That depends...'cause I'm crazy in love

With you

And everyone's best won't do

.

They'll say my hopes

Will not come true

But I'm taking the chance

Because you only live once-Only live once (only live once)

And...If you said, "Jump!" I'd say, "How high?"

If you said, "Run!" You know I'd fly

Just for the chance

Just for the moment

Should the moment pass us by

And if you ask once, I'll tell you twice

I'll ignore the world's advice

If we could be together for a while

.

BRIDGE:

There are no guarantees

But if it means

There's even a possibility

Then I'll give up whatever it takes

I know I've made some mistakes before

It may be just another closed door

But we could be together for a while

.

If you said, "Jump!" I'd say, "How high?"

If you said, "Run!" I'd run and fly

Just for the chance

Just for the moment

Should the moment pass us by

Ask me once, I'll tell you twice,

You know I'll ignore the world's advice

If we could be together for a while

.

CHORUS

.

Don't you know that we could be together for a while?

4 days

In Memory of Alison

I chanced upon this tomb on my trek to Poon Hill (Nepal). It states:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alison Louise Paterson

30.11.1963 UK - 21.1.1999 Australia

"Duniya Ko Mathhi"

On top of the world

My dearest wife

This place means so much to us and here you will rest. I will travel a new path knowing our love is so strong I will never have to say goodbye..

Love Ian

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

`

I was so touched by the love they shared and can only imagine the wonderful times they had together, though short it may be. She passed away at a really young age of 36, which led me to think how fragile life can be. Hence, it irks me to see how some people, are just wasting their life doing nothing or worse causing harm to others, as if the world has no problems of its own.*

`

Life is fragile. Don't waste it. Rather, spend it to impact lives in a positive way. I hope I can do so since much of my short life on Earth seems to have been wasted. And when I die, I hope my epitaph will be of meaning, of purpose, of love and not one that just stamps the name, the date of birth and death.

`

I can't help wondering what would be my epitaph on my tombstone or rather niche (considering Singapore's dwindling land space) when I die and who would be penning it......

`

*Hmm.. I'm into footnotes cos eversince I realised I may be a 'candidate' for ADD, I seemed to be more scatterbrained.. Hence, random thoughts will pop in my head... Was thinking of the world with it's many problems and I thought of the global warming crisis. A friend of mine came back fr a trip to the Swiss Alps and she was recounting her trip. What shocked me and everyone else in the group was that she said it was like a wasted trip. It usually snows in January but when she was there then, the snow was melting and they couldn't ski... Scary huh... It's REAL! The inconvenient truth is real.... Thus, I'm on a sudden quest to 'save the world' by preventing global warming. I know it seems ridiculous but like what Al Gore did, one country at a time, one family at a time, one person at a time, I hope the the message will spread. Hopefully, it will work.

Time is relative...

Watched a movie which seemed a lot like Love Actually.. a series of love stories weaved into one movie.. with some connections of sorts between them....

The movie: Paris Je'Taime

The movie, mainly in French, features famous stars like Natalie Portman, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Elijah Wood, Juliette Binoche, Nick Nolte etc etc...

The difference between Love Actually and Paris Je'Taime is that the latter consists of 18 love stories, each no more than 7 minutes.

Before watching the movie, I couldn't understand how a love story could be told within 7 minutes.. Well, it can apparently... 18 times to be exact...

It brings me to think of how time is relative when it comes to love... it can happen anytime, be it within 7mins or 7 years.. and it can also dissipate in a matter of time if not treasured or it can last a lifetime...

It's ironic... when we were young, we wanted to quickly grow up and when we are old enough... we want time to slow down.. But in this modern age where everything seems so fast paced, it seems impossible to slow time down... As a Jedi, time seems to pass by more quickly. Everytime I chat/meet up with ex-padawans, I'm reminded of how fast time flies. It's a sweet feeling though, cos all are doing well and getting on with their lives.

Was just told by an ex-student, that in 4 days time, they will be getting their A levels.. my first batch of grad students... they are soon going to graduate from their college.. And very soon, they will be doing their NS or going on to study in a University. Nice... I wish all those who are taking their A level results this Fri all the best...

Gd luck Cons, Ah Ming ger, Ah Ber.. may you get the results you worked hard for..

Boy does time flies..

Goodbye Hello Kitty...

Happy New Year... oops I'm one month late...

But as always, it's better late than never... Been really busy but I believe no matter how busy one is, one must always make time for your loved ones.... so, that is something I have been doing. :p

But sadly, I will be spending less time with a loved one. I will be seeing less of that loved one and she'll be greatly missed...

My sister..

She's on her way to Amsterdam as I'm blogging.. 13 hours flight.. 6 months long overseas exchange programme.. Lucky uni 'kids'. Nowadays, overseas exchange seems to be the norm. She'll be touring parts of Europe even before I do!!!!!!! Paris, Spain, London etc.. ggggrrhhhh... But I'm happy for her.

There are lots of good qualities in my sister and there's nothing more I can ask for... She's sensible, holy, filial, sensitive and caring... She's silly in a cute way, yet intelligent in a whole lot more. She's always obliging as whenever I need help in tallying marks or counting words for the summary section, she'll stay up with me till it's done (oooh... come to think of it.. who's gonna help me count the Mid-yr exam summary word count now... Hmm.. must search for alternatives.. keke)

At the airport just now...

When we were at the airport, I saw many people sending their loved ones off.. Kisses, hugs, handshakes... and in the midst of all the partings... I remembered Love Actually... A movie that meant a lot to me.... A movie that starts and ends with the various scenes at the arrival and departure halls of an airport... scenes of love, friendship and kinship... love that actually exists, love that actually lasts......

A flood of emotions overcame me. Didn't think I'll miss her that much. After all, she'll be back soon...

But after sharing the same room with her for so many years, sharing clothes and accessories since we started buying our own and sharing thoughts about everything under the sun, moon, stars, rainbows, I can't help but miss her even though it'll be just for 6 months.

Before she left... I gave her a tight hug.. told her to have fun, take care, and I'll miss you (and in my mind..don't take drugs.. afterall it's legal to take Marijuana in Amsterdam.. ) And then I sms her.. Love Ya..

We almost teared... silly...

As I walked away from the airport, I remembered how important kinship is. While many people agree with that, many too fail to show their love to their family members, keeping to themselves their real feelings perhaps due to shyness, or lack of communication or sometimes because we Asians are not used to showing our love for each other openly.

Sometimes, we may even have negative feelings towards the very people whom we should be loving...

Hence, when a child told me today that she HATES her mother.... I was shocked.. I may not know the full story .. she tried telling me.. nevertheless I told her this...

"You may be angry with your mother... but you can't HATE your mother..
Your mother may be loving you in a way that you are not used to, but you can't HATE your mother..
Your mother may be controlling you and you can't stand it... but still you can't HATE your mother..
And after all that she has done for you... do your think you can hate your mother?

Hate is too strong a word.... Don't say that especially deep down you know you don't mean it... "

She didn't respond.. but the tears in her eyes gave me the answers....

Every family is different. There are some families where the members can love each other without hope and agenda..without judgement and prejudices. They will always be there for one another. However, there are some families that are having more struggles than others but when that is the case, we cannot give up on building or repairing the relationships within the family....

After all, Love Actually exists in all families if we all try. Love Actually exists.... period.

Goodbye.. my Hello Kitty... See you in July.. the 7th month...