Let it go...

Let It Go

by Corrinne May

I think we've been here before
I recognize this place
I've seen the marks of confusion
wipe out a single sign of grace
And I don't want to play anymore
Not when the stakes are so high
So before we circle round once more
I'm gonna lay down,
Lay down my pride

Let it go, let it be
Don't waste all your emotion on this
tit-for-tat machine
Let it go, let it be
Let it go

I turn on the TV
and it screams out at me
Nothing seems to have changed
since the start of Adam and Eve
So we're waiting for the sky to fall
and we're buying brand new toys
But before we circle round once more
Can we lay down
Just lay down this pride

Let it go, let it be
Don't waste all your emotion on this
tit-for-tat machine
Let it go, let it be
Let it go
Don't go wasting your emotions
No one wins if we keep score
Let it go, let it be
Let it go

(I think we've been here before...)

My legs are full of scars... they are mainly self-induced.

I have a problem of scratching any mosquito bites or itch or scabs till they bleed.
Also, whenever I have a scratch or scrap in the knee from dance practices, I would open up the scab before the wound could fully heal. That causes more damage to the wound and creates a darker colouration to the scar. This also explains why my BCG scar is bigger than most people's. I was told by the nurse not to touch it but I never listened. I kept 'checking' if it's healed and in so doing, had an infection which caused a bigger than usual BCG scar on my arm.

All along I wasn't really conscious about that problem of mine until I was told recently to stop creating more wounds to myself. Just let go of that urge. Don't think about it. Let it heal. Don't agitate the skin any further cos if I don’t let go of that thought or that urge to scratch, I’ll end up hurting myself.

Let go, huh? How?

I've always had a problem with letting go. In fact, I seldom let go of things / memories / people etc. I let others do the letting go...

Today’s my one month anniversary of having my S.R.H.

She’s been serving me well, bringing me to all sorts of places to relive those moments at LPR, KRP, CV and EC, places I’ve stopped going because I didn’t have a car. And in a short span of 3 weeks, I hit my first 1000km.

As I look back at those times, I realised that while I have now changed, I still can’t let go.
There was a lot of self-doubt, the feeling of incompetence and being ostracised. That gradually changed as I started becoming more independent, not reacting to others' reactions, travelling to places that I’ve wanted to go, and yet, there’s a void. All because I can’t let go.

Was told that if I continue to hold on and dwell on the past, my present and future will be affected. I don’t wish that to happen. I fear I’ll be like Meredith Grey in Grey Anatomy, incapable of trusting anyone or even herself and eventually letting go of McDreamy.

I have to let it go... lay down my pride and not waste any emotion on this tit-for-tat machine. No one wins if we keep score

Let it go...

Let it be...

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Like I always say, 'it's all in the mind'.

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Let it go...

What will happen from now till the next leap year?

Ex padawan: Cher... you know when I saw Wong Li Lin in The Leap Years, she really reminded me of you.....

I watched The Leap Years last week... I really liked the show regardless the negative reviews, the inconsistencies in the movie as well as the disturbing idea that everyone in Singapore seems to be speaking with an American accent! It was a feel good movie... The soundtrack is good.. especially cos of the familiar songs by Corrinne May, and one very haunting piano piece by Ryuichi Sakamoto, Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence which I'm now trying to play on my piano...

I got to admit... I was really flattered when I heard my ex-padawan tell me I reminded her of that main character... haha.. not that I'm anywhere near her beauty, sassiness, and confidence... It's just that the character, Li-ann, played by Wong Li Lin, did remind me a little of myself...

A convent girl... An English teacher who heads the department at 28... A person who is willing to take chances... A person who waits...

Well, if what had happened to her in reel life after the age of 28 is any indication of how my real life will turn out to be, I can foresee this future....

I'll quit teaching at 32 to set up a book store and I'll be driving a cool Blue Mini Cooper... At 36, I'll marry a dashing foreigner with long flowy hair whom I meet once every four years... (haha.. alrighty Lady 28.. you are right... that Ananda guy is cute... I give up.. ) And at 48, this man of my life will recover from a stroke to be with me for the rest of my life... wahh.. how tragic.. yet bittersweet.

Then again.... who knows what will happen in the future... I wonder how my 'blue figure' would look like...

One of the quotes I remember the most from my O level literature Text is this:

The course of true love never did run smooth - a Midsummer's nights dream by William Shakespeare

Yup... how true... It's always hard to work for love...
Hmm... maybe I should just work for a Mini Cooper at 32!!!

Then again... who knows what will happen from now till the next leap year...

It's just 1.5 for now.. and I'm happy... SRH

I'm not Supergirl....

L I T T L E . S U P E R . H E R O . G I R L

written by Corrinne May Ying Foo / Copyright 2003, Corrmay Gourmet Music (ASCAP)

I feel like a little girl
Trying to conquer the whole wide world
Everybody wants a piece of me
And I just don't know where to turn
I've got work piled up to my head
All I want to do is jump into bed
And wash away my troubles with lemonade
Play hide and seek with the boy next door
Take a trip to Singapore and
Imagine how I'll make the world a better place

All I need is a good disguise
One where nobody can recognise
That I'm feeling so small
All I need is a secret weapon
I've gotta have faith
Zapping monsters into outer space
I'm gonna be a Superhero

Na-na-na-na-na-na Na-na-na-na-na-na-na Na-na-na-na-na-na-Yeah

If I were a little girl
Trying to clean up the whole wide world
I'd kick the bad boys back to school
Teach them fighting's just not cool
I'd give every kid a teddy bear
Turn starving people into millionaires
Break glass ceilings with dynamite
sprinkle a little sugar and spice
Turn the bullies that terrorize
Into pink poodles that bark, but don't bite

All I need is a good disguise
One where nobody can recognise
That I'm feeling so small
All I need is a secret weapon
I've gotta have faith
Zapping monsters into outer space
I'm gonna be a Superhero

Na-na-na-na-na-na Na-na-na-na-na-na-na Na-na-na-na-na-na-Yeah

Little Superhero Girl
Little Superhero Girl
Save me
Little Superhero Girl
Little Superhero Girl
Save me from myself ... I feel like a little girl
Trying to conquer the whole wide world

Been so busy that I don't even have time to take pics, blog, go out or do yoga...
Things have been pretty routine for me.... I can hardly breathe...

I'm not a supergirl / woman / hag etc...

I need help... I need air .... (Macbook Air also can!!)

I need to fly off somewhere....... and preferably somewhere far and preferably somewhere with snow... I'm trying to fulfill my as many of my resolutions for 2008 as possible... so far so good..

Meanwhile, I'm feeling guilty abt gg online... or even blogging this entry when there are tonnes of work unmarked... but I must at least jot down the topics that I wished to blog but do not have the time to......

And so, here it goes... 'entries-to-be' from an exhausted 'I-not-Supergirl'...

• Ex-padawans' visit during CNY Celebrations


• Sundays with Grandma...


• Disappointment in my padawans who rather go for a longer detention than to attend an enrichment course


• Upcoming dance performance... feeling real excited... It's going to be my last!!! Don't want it to end so soon...


• First Car purchase story


• 2nd Car purchase story (yup... technically, I bought two cars in a month!)

Alrighty...

'I-not-Supergirl' signing off...

Conversations with Corrinne May...

In two days, I would have attended three interviews.. This afternoon, I was interviewed... And just now, I watched Corrinne May in person being interviewed. And tomorrow, I'll be interviewed again but this time by Fr. Anthony regarding my A.

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Of the three interviews, I like the one with Corrinne May the best.. (of course!) I've never been a fan of anyone. Never got any CDs signed or autograph from a celebrity...

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Tonight, it was my first...

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I wouldn't say I'm her ardent fan.. but I have to admit that her songs took me through the past 3 years of my life.

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Songs from her first album brought me joy when the times were good

(Mr Beasley, All that I need)

... and when it took a turn, the second album took me through my toughest times

(Angel in Disguise, Free, Safe in a Crazy World)

... and now that I'm at peace, I feel comfort in her third album

(Shelter, Beautiful Seed, Five Loaves & Two Fishes, 33)

.

It is as if I was journeying with her through her music... I'm so glad to have been introduced by someone to her music.

.

And more thankful that the CANA Catholic Centre organised this Conversations with Corrinne May to hear her talk about her faith journey and the inspirations behind the songs she writes...

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She's definitely a beautiful seed herself.. She reminded me that despite all our flaws and mistakes, we will still be loved.. and with God in the centre of our life, we'll be able to move on...

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Other than asking her questions, she performed three songs. Beautiful Seed, Five Loaves and Two Fishes and Happy Birthday. For the third song, a guy in the audience actually requested to accompany her on his guitar. I guess he had been practising the sections that he composed to compliment her keyboard music.. He did it real well like o&o.

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It's strange how things work in life.... Just two weeks ago, I was "complaining" in my previous blog entry how I never got to watch her perform except for that one time... And tonight, I had the chance to not only hear her perform 3 metres away from me and get her to sign my 2 albums, I also got to chat with her and will probably be emailing her.

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I guess the learning point is this.. when things do not go your way, don't be too quick to condemn the situation, the people around you or yourself.

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EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON

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Even Corrinne said so herself during the interview. Given time and prayer, things may work out for the better.

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And I believe so....

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Dreams are what we make them to be.

There is hope in every heartbeat.

Tiny as it seems. You're a beautiful seed.

Every hope, every power,

lies in the heart of a seed that flowers.

Intertwined all across the land.

We're all seeds in the maker's hand.

End Lyrics from Beautiful Seed by Corrinne May

Beautiful Seed...

"I think that a seed is a wonderful metaphor for our lives. We are all like seeds. Seeds grow unseen in the soil and then sprout, and some seed become the biggest, most majestic trees and others grow to eventually bear wonderful fruit, and yet others, grow to provide shade. We are like trees. When we are in our mother's womb, no one can see us growing, but we are there. And all the potential for our lives is present in that moment, small as we are at that point in our lives, we are who we are now because of what we've gone through. And just knowing that, makes me sad to read about the increasing numbers of abortions that occur. People have forgotten that all the potential for life comes from something small, seemingly insignificant, seemingly lifeless."

~ Corrinne May~

There are only two Singaporean singers whom I really admire and would make it a point to buy their CDs or concerts or musicals.

Kit Chan is the first... The other is Corrinne May... Like Kit Chan, I hope one day, Corrinne will get to sing the National Day theme song... I'll be so proud of her..

Currently, Beautiful Seed (Corrinne May's new album) keeps the barks away (Refer to Lesson#3). It puts me to sleep, it gives me a sense of peace, it brings me comfort, tears and warmth.

It's amazing how each of her three albums has songs which speak to me and perhaps, to all her other listeners as well...

I attended only one of her concert so far and I'm sad that I missed her other concerts. Not once, not twice but thrice... haiz... I missed the Jan '06 concert, Dec '06 Christmas Concert, and now the Aug '07 concert. I didn't manage to get her concert tickets. It sold out too quickly.... I need to be on some mailing list or something. Don't understand why the rest always snap up the tickets so quickly... Or it could be just me...

As always, wrong timing...

Nevertheless, I'll wait..... waited for around two years already.

Her songs are simple, down to earth, emotional and spiritual, a reflection of who I wish to be.

Each song has a story.

And that's what life is. A story.

Every moment of our lives is a chapter. A turning point. We never know how the plot will unfold.

Only God knows.

We just got to continue on to see what our story will be.... and perhaps we will finally find our happy ending :p

Meanwhile, here's the lyrics to my favourite song in Beautiful Seed. It bears great meaning.

But I prefer the 'Cherry Blossom edition' better.

Couldn't find it though....

.

But like in life, we always have to make do with what we have, don't we?

Can't get everything that we want, right?

;p

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Shelter

Written by Corrinne May Ying Foo

Copyright 2006, Corrmay Gourmet Music (ASCAP)

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What's wrong, what's getting you down?

Is it something I might have said?

You're walking around

With your head to the ground

And your eyes are watery red

I know you've been through tough times

Kicked around, thrown to the ground

But you've always been the strong one

So don't tell me that nobody gets you'

Cause I'm standing in your corner

Knocking at your door

You don't have to be alone

Just call my name

Let me be an answer

'Cause it hurts me to see you this way

I wanna ease your pain

Help me understand

Let me be your shelter, my friend

We share a bond, you and I, we belong

We're like coffee and morning train

You strip my defenses

I catch your pretenses

The same blood runs through our veins

I swore I'd be your lifeline

Made a vow that I'd surround you

With love at every milestone

I'll listen when nobody gets you

I'm still standing in your corner

Waiting by your door

You don't have to be alone

Just call my name

Let me be an answer

'Cause it hurts me to see you this way

I wanna ease your pain

Help me understand

Let me be your shelter, my friend

It was not too long ago

You sought to understand

You helped me mend

Remember when

So promise me you'll call my name

Let me be an answer

'Cause it hurts me to see you this way

I wanna ease your pain

Help me understand

Let me be your shelter, my friend

Angel(s) in Disguise

Angel in Disguise

by Corrinne May

I woke up this morning

feeling kind of blue

when I stumbled out of bed

dragged my feet across the room

Right outside my front door was a rose and a note that said

'Somebody Loves You'

But out on the street it starts to pour

before I get soaking wet,

A total stranger runs to give me the jacket off his back

I turned around to thank him

But he waves me with a smile

I can hardly believe my eyes

He puts on a halo and starts to fly

Take a look at the ordinary

Don't need to look for Paradise

You could be next to an angel in disguise

I met a good friend for lunch

and we had a delicious meal

But I forgot to bring my wallet I felt like an imbecile

But she was sweet, she gave me a treat and

Bought me a chicken sandwich

To take home for tea

But out on the street with nothing to eat

A man and his shopping cart

go travelling to places,

Collecting social graces

I give him my sandwich and we chatter for a while

I see a rainbow wash over his eyes

He gives me his halo and I start to fly

Take a look at the ordinary

Don't need to look for Paradise

You could be next to an angel in disguise

Don't try to hide away from me

I know you're by my side

Take a look at the ordinary

Don't need to look for Paradise

You could be next to an angel in disguise

Take a look at the ordinary
Don't need to look for Paradise
You could be next to an angel in disguise

Everyday can be legendary

Every minute, an endless surprise

You could be the next angel in disguise

I woke up this morning

Feeling kind of new.

I used to have an Angel in Disguise but it turns out the angel was really just one in disguise. It's nowhere to be found. Maybe my angel has returned to heaven or has moved on to another mortal. Most likely the latter.

But recently, I found out I've more angels than I thought I had. My ex 4E3s descended on Simpleville last Tuesday and touched my heart (many times over) with their 'surprises'.

I thought I would have been forgotten but their sweet gesture told me otherwise. I then realised that during the only two years when my birthday was not celebrated, they were the ones who came and brought me joy.

And on Wednesday, I realised I have another Angel in Disguise. Some angel placed a Strawberry Shortcake purse with 3 Kit Kats in it and a note signed off as "Angel".


Was trying to figure out who my angel could be:

1. Must be female
2. Could be a fellow jedi, a student or an ex-student
3. Someone familar with Strawberry Shortcake (A brand name in my era)
4. Someone who owns that piece of notepad.
5. Someone with neat handwriting
6. Someone who's in school on Wed.

Haiz.. I guess I'm back to square one... I have no clue who my Angel in Disguise is..

Anyone who recognises the notepad or the handwriting, please call 1900-ANGEL-IN -DISGUISE

To all angels out there, past, present and future, God Bless.

Introducing.... Mr Beasley...

M R . B E A S L E Y
Written by Corrinne May Ying Foo Copyright 1997


You don't have to drive a fancy car
Don't have to quote me Shakespeare just to woo me
Yeah I see your nervous laughter
when you're trying to crack some joke
Well, you don't fool me
I'd like to see your eyes through those goggles that you're wearing
Don't try to hide away
Just be yourself, Mr. Beasley
I don't need your show of attitude
Coz' it's your soul that makes me fall in love with you
You don't know this but I see you in the church when you are praying
You just move me
And my friend Sue she tells me you've been teaching kids for free
Mr. Philanthropy
I'd like to see your eyes through those goggles that you're wearing
Don't try to hide away
Just be yourself, Mr. Beasley
I don't need your show of attitude
Coz' it's your soul that makes me fall in love with you
Be yourself, Mr. Beasley
I don't need your show of attitude
Coz' it's your soul that makes me fall in love with you
I'd like to see your eyes through those goggles that you're wearing
Don't try to hide away


Thanks 3E1 for this wonderful companion... but the best gift is yet to come... so work hard and be good... as always...