Feeling Lucky (?)

A lot happened and is going to happen this year...

At times, I feel that luck is on my side and despite how bad things seem..I gradually see the reasons behind those trials.

Been feeling lucky again as I just learnt that I'll be going for a fully-paid trip (with allowances included) to Scotland and London for an immersion programme. With an extension from the intended 1.5 week programme, I'll most probably be in UK for a month. Not only that, I'll get to take the new Airbus 380!

But when I went for the 1st meeting this afternoon, I realised (as always) that nothing is free. The amount of things to prepare before and after the trip will most probably wear me out. I guess the most fearful thing is that I'll have to teach the UK students while I'm there.. Seems rather odd to learn English from a Chinese.
Nevertheless, I'm excited about it... I think the learning curve will be extremely steep.

When I made the decision to give up a possible life in the finance sector, I thought I'll never get to travel for work. Glad that need not be the case. I guess it's a dream to marry both work and my interest of travelling together. My first overseas assignment in Hanoi this April was a good experience. Hopefully, this one will too.

Really hope my luck doesn't run out or that my life is cut short suddenly... Cos everytime something good happens to me, I'll be thinking that something has go to balance it.. or perhaps I've gone through enough agony already and that's not necessary.

I also hope that my ex-padawans and current ones will learn that they should go out and seek opportunities themselves to do what they want and never be disheartened when things don't go their way... for someday, luck or some divine intervention will be on their side...

As for the other aspects of my life, they may not be that exciting... but I'm still enjoying them... will keep on waiting until the time is right....It all depends on God ... Everything in His time...

Meanwhile, here's my latest favourite song... it's amazing how apt it can be..

Lucky

by Jason Mraz & Colbie Caillat

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Do you hear me, I'm talking to you

Across the water across the deep blue ocean

Under the open sky oh my, baby I'm trying

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Boy I hear you in my dreams

I feel your whisper across the sea

I keep you with me in my heart

You make it easier when life gets hard

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I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend

Lucky to have been where I have been

Lucky to be coming home again

Ooooh....

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They don't know how long it takes

Waiting for a love like this

Every time we say goodbye

I wish we had one more kiss

I'll wait for you I promise you, I will

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I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend

Lucky to have been where I have been

Lucky to be coming home again

I'm lucky we're in love in every way

Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed

Lucky to be coming home someday

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And so I'm sailing through the sea

To an island where we'll meet

You'll hear the music, feel the air

I'll put a flower in your hair

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Though the breezes through the trees

Move so pretty you're all I see

As the world keeps spinning round

You hold me right here right now

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I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend

Lucky to have been where I have been

Lucky to be coming home again

I'm lucky we're in love in every way

Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed

Lucky to be coming home someday

Ooohh....

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We'll find a way...

GOD WILL MAKE A WAY

by Don Moen

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God will make a way where there seems to be no way

He works in ways we cannot see

He will make a way for me

He will be my guide

Hold me closely to His side

With love and strength

For each new day

He will make a way

He will make a way

.

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By a roadway

In the wilderness

He'll lead me

And rivers in the desert will I see

Heaven and earth will fade

But his word will still remain

He will do something new today

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God will make a way where there seems to be no way

He works in ways we cannot see

He will make a way for me

He will be my guide

Hold me closely to His side

With love and strength

For each new day

He will make a way

He will make a way

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2021

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Let it go...

Let It Go

by Corrinne May

I think we've been here before
I recognize this place
I've seen the marks of confusion
wipe out a single sign of grace
And I don't want to play anymore
Not when the stakes are so high
So before we circle round once more
I'm gonna lay down,
Lay down my pride

Let it go, let it be
Don't waste all your emotion on this
tit-for-tat machine
Let it go, let it be
Let it go

I turn on the TV
and it screams out at me
Nothing seems to have changed
since the start of Adam and Eve
So we're waiting for the sky to fall
and we're buying brand new toys
But before we circle round once more
Can we lay down
Just lay down this pride

Let it go, let it be
Don't waste all your emotion on this
tit-for-tat machine
Let it go, let it be
Let it go
Don't go wasting your emotions
No one wins if we keep score
Let it go, let it be
Let it go

(I think we've been here before...)

My legs are full of scars... they are mainly self-induced.

I have a problem of scratching any mosquito bites or itch or scabs till they bleed.
Also, whenever I have a scratch or scrap in the knee from dance practices, I would open up the scab before the wound could fully heal. That causes more damage to the wound and creates a darker colouration to the scar. This also explains why my BCG scar is bigger than most people's. I was told by the nurse not to touch it but I never listened. I kept 'checking' if it's healed and in so doing, had an infection which caused a bigger than usual BCG scar on my arm.

All along I wasn't really conscious about that problem of mine until I was told recently to stop creating more wounds to myself. Just let go of that urge. Don't think about it. Let it heal. Don't agitate the skin any further cos if I don’t let go of that thought or that urge to scratch, I’ll end up hurting myself.

Let go, huh? How?

I've always had a problem with letting go. In fact, I seldom let go of things / memories / people etc. I let others do the letting go...

Today’s my one month anniversary of having my S.R.H.

She’s been serving me well, bringing me to all sorts of places to relive those moments at LPR, KRP, CV and EC, places I’ve stopped going because I didn’t have a car. And in a short span of 3 weeks, I hit my first 1000km.

As I look back at those times, I realised that while I have now changed, I still can’t let go.
There was a lot of self-doubt, the feeling of incompetence and being ostracised. That gradually changed as I started becoming more independent, not reacting to others' reactions, travelling to places that I’ve wanted to go, and yet, there’s a void. All because I can’t let go.

Was told that if I continue to hold on and dwell on the past, my present and future will be affected. I don’t wish that to happen. I fear I’ll be like Meredith Grey in Grey Anatomy, incapable of trusting anyone or even herself and eventually letting go of McDreamy.

I have to let it go... lay down my pride and not waste any emotion on this tit-for-tat machine. No one wins if we keep score

Let it go...

Let it be...

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Like I always say, 'it's all in the mind'.

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Let it go...

Silent Vocals VI ~ In Motion

7 months of training ...
7 minutes of performance...
A lifetime that I’ll cherish those moments...

Almost couldn't make it for this concert as there's no way I could take leave from school to attend the intensive rehearsals in the afternoons a few days before the concert. Also, I was supposed to have flown off to Vietnam for the Regional Teachers' Conference during that period of time. But God seemed to have planned it for me. Growth Camp happened to be during the two days of intensive rehearsals and on the actual day. And some time in January, I was told that the RTC is in April instead of March. And so it is, I was able to perform one last time at Victoria Theatre. Though it will most probably* be my last concert… it was a first for a number of events:

1st time I cried on stage after the concert

This shot was taken after we were both crying / tearing.

• At the end of the concert, I thanked my dance instructress, Silvia Yong for all the years of training and encouragement. Though she started teaching me in 2004, she made a great impact in my dance ‘career’. I would have stopped dancing if not for her. Her contemporary style of choreography really spurred me to want to be a better dancer. She fascinates me with her seemingly impossible to do steps and her fast paced choreography that leaves me panting and gasping for air after each rehearsal. Watching her perform at the Esplanade truly inspires me to be like her too. She really showed her passion for dance through the sacrifices she has made and the courage to do something that many would not do. We dancers never fail to admire both Silvia and her husband... Together with her dancer and choreographer husband, Kuik Swee Boon, they look like the perfect couple.
  
  For all that she has done for me, I am truly grateful. I teared when I told her I’ll miss being in her class and that I won’t be dancing for AJ anymore. She tried to persuade me, telling me that age is not a barrier, using herself as an example. It was a difficult decision but I have to move on. She teared as well.. And so, seeing her watery eyes, made me cry even more… so much so that my dance president who was standing beside us teared too.
  
  Thank you Silvia. I'm eternally grateful.

1st time I joined the concert without any other dancers from my batch

These girls ranges fr 20 - 25 yrs old, with the exception of me of course.

• One of the dance members from my batch is currently the teacher-in-charge of dance society in AJ. When she first emailed my batch to find out who were still keen on dancing for the concert, 3 dancers responded. And because I thought I won’t be the only one from my batch joining, I committed myself. Unfortunately, the other two really couldn’t find the time because the two are already mothers. And so, I was the only representative from my batch.

1st time I took photos for the concert

• In a way, it was a dream come true to merge both my passion in dance and photography in one. It was rather hectic, rushing to put on make up, snapping pictures of the preparations, snapping pictures of the rehearsals, trying to recall the steps before my item is on and then performing. It was a not easy as it was my first dance shoot. It was also technically challenging because the lighting for this concert is rather dark. And it being my first time, I didn't know what settings to fix and what to look out for. For example, I kept running out of CF cards and battery life at the critical moments despite preparing all that in advance. Didn't expect two fully charged batteries to be flat so fast. There were also a lot of blur shots. Out of the 6 dances, I only managed to shoot 4 items. I had to get ready for my finale item. And because I was dancing in one item, I'll most probably not get any pictures of me dancing. That's the problem with taking photos and dancing at the same time. Sigh. Can't get the best of both worlds.
  

1st time I received so many flowers and gifts

• Many thanks to those who came. I was really touched by your sweet gestures and your moral support. I think I’ll never receive so much flowers at one go in my life… Thank you all for everything.

1st time my dear friend attended my dance concert

• I feel so elated that my ‘BFF’ could make it for my concert, having missed all my other concerts during previous years. It meant a lot to me for it will be my last concert. Thank you babe for coming.

My 6th dance alumni concert performance, Silent Vocals VI ~ In Motion, ended last night. Not that I’m biased but I feel that the choreography for this concert has reached a new high. The dance items were so technically challenging for amateur dancers like us but the dances did pushed us to level up our techniques. Would like to quote fr my batch’s dance president’s SMS after the concert: “Was very touched by you all as an audience cos only we know the hard work and sacrifices behind every performance. It was a very good show with high standards. Think the alumni was exceptionally impressive ;p” That message really stirred me up. I was very touched.

Some time ago in September 2007 when we first started training, we kept thinking that it was a long while more to this concert but as the months went by, we felt that time was not on our side. Even then, I was looking forward to the concert hoping it’ll come soon. Now that it is over, I wished it didn’t end. It was a truly emotional night for me because at the back of my mind, I knew it would be my last (or rather I’ll try very hard to make it my last). Having been in the dance alumni from 1998 to 2008, I think it is about time I move on. 10 years seem to be an ‘overstay’. As it is, I’m officially the longest serving AJ dance alumni member. It’s kind of odd going back to Anderson JC seeing all the younger college students, feeling somewhat old. Yet, this place was like a home to me. A place I’m familiar with. A place where my passion for dance was ignited. A place where I could be completely at ease with my fellow dancers.

I was flipping through my dance photo albums and looking back at those moments, from training for SYF, performing in Korea, my first alumni concert in the school hall to the various concerts held in Kallang Theatre and Victoria theatre. It’s amazing how the camaraderie is so strong among the dancers who come from different batches… Year after year, I see familiar faces and sometimes new ones but in each of them, I feel their passion for dance, their dedication to the group and their talents and grace during performance.

Now that it has finally ended, I can’t help but feel sad and lost… There was a sense of depression when I woke up this morning… There was a strong inertia to do my work and the rhythm of the music and sequence of the dance steps kept refreshing in my mind… I started to think of what I’ll miss and I’ve come up with these:

Bruises on my arms & legs – The only times when I get severely bruised are when I’m training for dance. It may seem that I’m some sort of sadist but I do like seeing the bruises as it is an indication that I went all out for the dance (though sometimes, it’s just because I was clumsy and failed to protect myself).

Vigorous training – Initially it was once a week. Then twice a week and towards the last two weeks, almost everyday. No matter how tired I get from working the whole day, I will suddenly be energized when I train… It’s odd how something so strenuous can lift my spirits up. It’s odd how my headaches or worries just melt away during trainings. I realised it is the motions and concentration during training that I find comfort & peace.

The smell of the LL (dance studio) and the school hall –The smell isn’t pleasant for sure… but I miss the times we try to avoid the smelly spots on the dance studio floor… and how we complained so many times but still continued to dance despite nothing done to rid the smell. One common habit is that we walk bare feet around AJ; in the studio, in the hall and even to the toilet. Black dusty feet have become a feature of being a dancer... I truly understand what some of my students feel when they have their 'illegal' shoes confiscated.

The messed up costumes – It seems that the tailor will always mess up the dance costumes, distorting the original designs and we have to always alter them last minute. We have no choice though because there are really very few tailors who do dance costumes in Singapore. And so, my fellow dancers and I came to a conclusion that not only must we be able to dance, we must be able to sew… to salvage our badly tailored costumes.

The roller coaster emotions - I'll definitely miss the excitement before performance & the feeling of sheer joy after the dance concert, knowing that everything was done right – This is a given. All dancers will never forget these moments. Neither would I.

Victoria Theatre – There’s something magical about VT. It’s small, old and yet charming. Of course I hope to perform at the Esplanade but VT is a familiar place to us. We know the ins and outs of that place. I’m really going to miss performing there.

Lastly, my fun-loving dancers & my sweet dance instructress – With the lame jokes we crack, there’s never a dull moment… we somehow enjoy being silly and we even laugh at our mistakes in our dance steps. But we have our serious sides especially nearing the concert when emotions flare up in even the most demure dancer. Our dance instructress has been ever so patient with us, sharing our sense of humour and always motivating us. I’m going to miss seeing them on a weekly basis but thankfully, with Facebook, we’ll somehow keep in touch… or rather ‘poke’.

And so, after Silent Vocals 6, I think I have to really retire… Don’t think I’m up for it anymore when 2010 comes. Moreover, my dance friends closer to my batch are also considering ‘retiring’ too. If that is really so, it will be a pity that I won’t be participating in Silent Vocals 7 which would have also been my 7th dance concert as a dance alumni member.

But I really have to move on…

And so, I’m closing this dance chapter with AJ dance as a dancer… but I’ll continue to help out in any way possible…

In March 2006, I blogged that I would take a bow and retire. I mapped out my dance ‘resume’
I think it's time I do a little update!

1996 -- JC 1 Dance Member
1997 -- SYF Dance (Gold) Performed in Dance Presentation Opening Night at Kallang / Represented S'pore to perform in Korea for the 3rd ASIAN Youth Festival
1998 -- Silent Vocals II (School Hall... Hey! That's our debut.. low budget then)
1999 -- Training & rehearsal for the next concert
2000 -- Silent Vocals III (NYP auditorium) (didn’t dance, just helped out in make up n lighting)
2001 -- Training & rehearsal for the next concert / Danced for the Alumni's 1st AGM + dinner + concert
2002 -- Silent Vocals IV (Alphaville auditorium - Brand new and free!! Why not?)
2003 -- Training & rehearsal for the next concert
2004 -- Colours of Emotion (Self-choreographed - Victoria Theatre) / Juvenescence (AJ's 20th Anniversary Concert - Kallang Theatre)
2005 -- Qi (七，棋，启，气) (Victoria Theatre)
2006 –- Received Appreciation Award during AJ's 22nd College Day / Silent Vocals V ~ The Kaleidoscope (Victoria Theatre) (1st time I was not involved accept to give moral support and watch the concert)
2007 -- Training & rehearsal for the next concert
2008 -- Silent Vocals VI ~ In Motion (Victoria Theatre)


7 months of training...
7 minutes of performance...

Truly amazing...Truly unforgettable... Truly emotional...

My sincere thanks to Silvia and my fellow dancers...
Thank you for making my final concert with AJ Dance alumni a memorable one...
20th March 2008.

* Note: While I’m deeply serious about retiring, I won’t hesitate to join if I know my other friends are dancing again or if the venue is at the Esplanade, but I know the chances are very slim.

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I'm not Supergirl....

L I T T L E . S U P E R . H E R O . G I R L

written by Corrinne May Ying Foo / Copyright 2003, Corrmay Gourmet Music (ASCAP)

I feel like a little girl
Trying to conquer the whole wide world
Everybody wants a piece of me
And I just don't know where to turn
I've got work piled up to my head
All I want to do is jump into bed
And wash away my troubles with lemonade
Play hide and seek with the boy next door
Take a trip to Singapore and
Imagine how I'll make the world a better place

All I need is a good disguise
One where nobody can recognise
That I'm feeling so small
All I need is a secret weapon
I've gotta have faith
Zapping monsters into outer space
I'm gonna be a Superhero

Na-na-na-na-na-na Na-na-na-na-na-na-na Na-na-na-na-na-na-Yeah

If I were a little girl
Trying to clean up the whole wide world
I'd kick the bad boys back to school
Teach them fighting's just not cool
I'd give every kid a teddy bear
Turn starving people into millionaires
Break glass ceilings with dynamite
sprinkle a little sugar and spice
Turn the bullies that terrorize
Into pink poodles that bark, but don't bite

All I need is a good disguise
One where nobody can recognise
That I'm feeling so small
All I need is a secret weapon
I've gotta have faith
Zapping monsters into outer space
I'm gonna be a Superhero

Na-na-na-na-na-na Na-na-na-na-na-na-na Na-na-na-na-na-na-Yeah

Little Superhero Girl
Little Superhero Girl
Save me
Little Superhero Girl
Little Superhero Girl
Save me from myself ... I feel like a little girl
Trying to conquer the whole wide world

Been so busy that I don't even have time to take pics, blog, go out or do yoga...
Things have been pretty routine for me.... I can hardly breathe...

I'm not a supergirl / woman / hag etc...

I need help... I need air .... (Macbook Air also can!!)

I need to fly off somewhere....... and preferably somewhere far and preferably somewhere with snow... I'm trying to fulfill my as many of my resolutions for 2008 as possible... so far so good..

Meanwhile, I'm feeling guilty abt gg online... or even blogging this entry when there are tonnes of work unmarked... but I must at least jot down the topics that I wished to blog but do not have the time to......

And so, here it goes... 'entries-to-be' from an exhausted 'I-not-Supergirl'...

• Ex-padawans' visit during CNY Celebrations


• Sundays with Grandma...


• Disappointment in my padawans who rather go for a longer detention than to attend an enrichment course


• Upcoming dance performance... feeling real excited... It's going to be my last!!! Don't want it to end so soon...


• First Car purchase story


• 2nd Car purchase story (yup... technically, I bought two cars in a month!)

Alrighty...

'I-not-Supergirl' signing off...

Goodbye 2007... Hello 2008!

I had an entry entitled 'Goodbye 2005... Hello 2006! ... Don't ever look back...' . But an oldman advised me to "actually do look back as reflecting upon the past gives more meaning to what's happening now and hope for the future". And hence for 2008, I shall do just that. I guess in life's journey, everything happens for a reason. And I'm slowly seeing the reasons...

2007 had been a good year... perhaps I'm biased... after all, it contains my fav number 7.

I managed to visit 3 countries (my most ever) in one year.... Australia, Holland & France...

I also did something that I swore I would stop after 2005. I went back to dancing after a 2-year hiatus and I'm loving it despite all the bruises on my knees (hmm..a sign of sadomasochism..)

My newly accuired hobby which has been taking up much of my time.. (noooo not Facebook!) has shown improvement too. Really enjoyed my photography trips... very addictive... In fact, I'm planning for June 2008's trip. Hmm.. now all I need is an assistant to help carry my gears.. keke!

I'm also enjoying and becoming more confident in what I do. In fact, in Jul 2008, it'll be 7 years since I joined the Jedi Knighthood.. Time seems to pass so fast especially when you are enjoying them...

So what do I hope for in 2008...

Here are my Top 10 resolutions for 2008 which were selected from a few hundred statements in Facebook:

#1 Build a Snowman...
Haha.. the reason is that I failed thrice in my attempts to see snow. Didn't manage to do that when I was in Nepal during winter, in Melbourne during winter, and in France during winter. I always missed them by a week or so. This 2008, I'll make sure I can definitely find enough snow to build myself a real snowman.

#2 Buy a car
Was so close to getting a Yellow Beetle which was sparked by the movie Transformer.. haha.. lame I know. I was so in loved with Bumble Bee (BB) that I told myself I had to get a yellow car. And the best looking yellow car would, without a doubt, be the Yellow Beetle. I was even planning to force change it's species from a Beetle to a Bee. Alas, it was not meant to be mine... I will have to look for another one more suited for me, give up my BB and let others have a chance to own it.

#3 Wake up earlier
I'm an insomniac. I can't sleep earlier than 2am.. and lately 5am. As such, I tend to wake up late. I've been late for so many morning meetings & dance pracs this holidays. With the school term starting in just two days, I've yet to regulate my sleep patterns. And even if I don't, may I still be able to wake up in time for assembly.

#4 Take more pictures
I enjoy capturing the moments and the sights. But I find that I'm stagnating because I don't seem to go beyond what I normally shoot. I'm so hesistant at doing street photography or capturing portaits of strangers. Also, despite getting my macro lens, I haven't been able to do any macro shots at the Botanical Gardens. Hopefully, 2008 will give me more courage to take pics of people when I'm overseas and that I may see my pic's quality move up a notch.

#5 Get in shape
I was once 40kg when I was in Sec 4 and if I were to see my weight as a share price, I would say that it has been 'bullish' ever since. I'm seeing pregnant women looking slimmer than me. So sad.. I must get in shape. I don't want to be the biggest person on stage in March. 3 more months!!! Exercise!!! Exercise!!! Exercise!!!

#6 Dance and never stop flying
When I saw this statement in facebook, I wonder what that resolution really meant. Seems like an odd combination but I clicked it anyway, and decided to interpret it in my own way. As I said before, I've been dancing since 1996. I've always tried to get my close secondary school friends to attend my performance by saying, "It is the LAST time I'm performing. Watch lah!!!" Haha.. but the last was never the last. But I really meant what I said... I always told myself that I'll be too old to dance and hence would most probably stop. Amazingly, I haven't. But I'm pretty sure that this time round, it would be my ABSOLUTE LAST! Can't imagine me dancing at age 30 amongst the nubile 19 - 25 yr olds. As for the never stop flying, I hope it'll be the case every year. That I get to fly to different places and travel at least twice a year whatever the cost. It used to be free.. but.. oh well..

#7 Move on
Aptly, "move on" is randomly placed as the 7th resolution. Indeed, I shall. For the greater good and for my sanity.

#8 Worry less
I tend to worry be it for my family members, for my friends, for my padawans, for my exams, for my future etc... On hindsight, I feel that it stems from a lack of faith in God, that I do not trust that He'll take care of things at the appropriate time. And perhaps the need in me to be in control.... as with most Leos... When one is not in control, one becomes uncertain with what's going to happen next. And with that uncertainty, there tends to be a cause for worrying. "Worry less" is one resolution I find the hardest to accomplish. After so many years of being the 'kan cheong spider' sort, I don't know how to stop worrying. Hey.. but the resolution is "worry less"... haha.. so it can be considered fulfilled even if I worry, so long as it is lesser than 2007's worries!

#9 Be happy
; p ..... No problemo... just don't make me angry.. haha..

#10 Ssssshhhh... it's a secret.
If it's revealed, it may not happen. I'll keep fighting for it and hopefully, it'll finally happen.

Have hope....